It's the day before the Gandas leave for England. Gandalady is running errands all over town. Her list of duties includes collecting Emma's new passport, having only realised the old one had expired two days previously. In the car on the way to the British High Commission, her phone rings. She comes to a junction on a quiet road, indicates, feebly pulls over and answers the call. Behind her is a pick-up crammed with police. One of them jumps out and taps on the window.
Policeman: Madam! Stop there! (points to parking space over the road, waving arms around excitedly)
Gandalady: Umm... Oh? me? My phone? How silly of me. Sir, I am so sorry, very sorry. Please, I won't do it again. Please let me go, I have a thousand things to do. (She pulls over as instructed. The pick-up pulls in front, blocking her in. All the policeman, about a dozen of them, stare at her. Some of them are armed. The first policeman comes back to the driver's side of Gandalady's car.)
Policeman: (righteously indignant) You were driving like an unprofessional! If I take you to court now for being dangerous, am I wrong?
Gandalady: No. Not at all. You would not be wrong. I was not thinking. Sorry. I will not do it again. Forgive me. Pause. Can I go?
Policeman: (enjoying G's discomfort) No, it is not OK! Give me your papers.
Gandalady hands over her driving licence. Policeman pulls out Cath Kidston style flowery note book and starts writing down details. Other police watch intently.
Policeman, uninvited, gets into Gandalady's car on the passenger side.
Policeman: (lowers voice). You see madam, it is like this, today I am out with the big man. Three stars! So I must do my duty. I must confiscate your phone. 400,000 shillings fine. And then you must come to court, where they serve 6 months to 1 year for dangerous driving. What do you say?
Gandalady: Please, sir. I cannot let you have my phone. I need my phone, I am travelling tomorrow. What is the fine? Let me pay the fine. Gandalady reaches for her purse.
Policeman: (hisses aggressively) You put that money away! We go there first (points to spot a few metres away from the pick-up. Gandalady obliges.)
Gandalady: What is the fine? Let me pay it.
Policeman: We go to police station first. Then the court must decide, if it is prison or what.
Gandalady: I can't...
Policeman: Just give me 100, 000.
Gandalady hands over the money. I will give you a million shillings just to get out of my car and go away.
Policeman: (shoving notes in his pockets) Go now, if you make trouble for me I will take away your vehicle and get you in prison.
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writing from Kampala where it is both hot and raining
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About Me
- Tooting bird
- Hello! I am married, almost 40, mother of 3 girls, former nurse, former PR exec,a Christian with a dodgy haircut and questionable clothes. I live in and love Tooting.
4 comments:
I am agogue..what peril you live in .Have a great time in Blighty xxxx
Ah yes the delightful traffic policemen of Africa. I have come across this attitude so many times and in so many countries on the continent, yet it still infuriates and intimidates. Do you know that in Mozambique applications to the traffic police outnumber all other branches put together by something like 5 to 1? Very lucrative business to be in apparently. Grrrr.
PS: see you in Blighty!
Aaah, glad I don't have to deal with *them* anymore. Hope you're having fun on hols - missing you already!
I laughed, laughed and some more! Tis true I tell you, nothing was a lie! I'm inspired by your blogging G'lady.
How's it been in rainy England? I got the house btw, yipee do dah. Sooooo looking forward to you coming back - enjoy yer'selves x
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